4.30.2010

And so they begin

It's been months since I've woke up from tornado nightmares during the night. In fact, it's safe to say that it's been since before my mom passed away. The dreams I used to have weren't scary, just stressful, very very stressful. I wake from them feeling lost, without a safe place to hide, and disoriented.

The break from those dreams ended last night. I woke in the early hours of morning with my mind racing. I couldn't tell if I was upset from the nightmare or because I had the nightmare. It's funny when I think about the actual dream, but I can safely say that I wasn't laughing about it at 4AM in the morning as I lie there, on my pillow, unable to drift back off to sleep.

Interestingly enough, today's feelings reflected those in the dream almost to a "T". I'm left at the end of the day worried, apprehensive, and way more stressed about the next month than I have been leading up to today. Work is going to be a bear. I'll just leave it at that.

I've spent the evening trying to think of something to do. Yes, the entire evening has been spent pacing the house, pulling out projects, deciding not to do the project and putting back the project. In an attempt to de-stress and relax I'm left frustrated that I have nothing to do. I absolutely hate when I do this to myself.

I decided to sit down and stop forcing myself to find a relaxing activities. Instead of doing something creative this evening, I've spent minutes upon minutes watching old Elton John videos on YouTube. I stumbled upon a Heart cover of this (Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters has always been one of my faves of his):



I really like it so I thought I'd share.

Maybe I'll go dust off the piano and play a bit before bed. Tomorrow I'll start the day off with a 5K walk in the name of colon cancer and perhaps will clear my mind a bit.

2 comments:

pentalia said...

Love the video... love Heart!!

Did playing the piano help? Around here we call that feeling "free-floating anxiety," and the best way to beat it for me, is to play harp or piano.

I guess a lot of folks use athletics or walking or volunteer work to do it, too.

idyll hands said...

You know what worked? Singing. I sat to play the piano but enjoyed singing while sitting there instead. I'm sure it wasn't a joyful noise for those in an earshot... but I had fun. Whatever works... right? :)