Happy Birthday, Mom.

Mom and me... Thanksgiving 2006

Today is my mom's birthday. She would have been 67. It's still weird that she's not here to celebrate with. Now this is just a day. I don't say that to get sad looks or hugs from friends, I'm just stating what it feels like. The memories of celebration are still there, but the feeling of celebration has been removed. I thought it would take longer until I felt this way, but apparently, a couple of years later, it's just a day.

I wish it wasn't. I wish she was here to celebrate being 67 and looking fabulous and enjoying life. I don't know if Heaven exists, I've found it harder and harder to believe in it the older I get and the more people I have taken away from my life but if it does, I do hope she's having a party with all of her favorite things and I hope her dad is with her... celebrating with his first born and having a good time.

Happy Birthday, mom. We all love you and miss you daily!

Anti-Bah Humbug

I'm going to come right out and say it - If I hear one more person verbally complain/blog/make a passive aggressive comment about how Christmas is swallowing up Thanksgiving, I'm going to blow a gasket.

I'd rather see a Christmas tree all decked out and lit with 149 strands of lights on every single lawn between here and Oklahoma City than listen to one more person complain about Christmas commercials like they are the first person to think of it. Get over it... does it really bother you? I cannot imagine, not with one single ounce of my imagination, that it really does.

How is my wanting to hang my Christmas wreath on November 21st, 3 days before Thanksgiving, really going to hurt you? So what if I'm still amazingly proud of the wreath I made 10 years ago... so proud that I want to hang it a week early? I'm not sure it's going to make my celebration of Thanksgiving any less important. Anyways, I prefer putting up some red and green... silver and gold... pine scented candles and sparkly fir branches than fake Pilgrim hats and cardboard turkeys.

One might say I've bought into Christmas commercialism, but if it makes me happy and feel good, why not? I have to say, I came home a bit on edge (dinner service was terrible, Target didn't have what I was looking for and it started pouring down rain while I ran in to get cat food) and when I started playing George Winston's December I instantly remembered where I put my good mood. A little Holiday spirit (even if a few days early) goes a long way in my world.

So quit complaining about people getting excited about Christmas now and start complaining about things that matter. Like the treatment of the the peaceful Occupy participants or how Westboro Baptist Church (vomit) is planning on picketing the funeral of the 19 year old University of Arkansas Football Player. Those seem like worthier causes than my putting up my Christmas tree in November.

Carry on.

Lunchtime Thoughts

It's dark and stormy outside which always leaves my pensive and full of things to say. I've been experiencing a bit of post vacation depression since my return from my cruise. It's a lot like going back to work after a long (but not long enough) holiday. While on the cruise, everything was taken care of for me. My food was cooked and prepared without my having to wash dishes, my bed turned down each night, heck, I didn't even have to decide what to do at each port of call... my sister did that! It was a bit of a shock to the system when I came back and had to wash underwear. I suppose returning to some normalcy isn't a bad thing... it just took some adjustment. However, instead of wanting to tell everyone I know about my wonderful vacation, I've just wanted to sleep.

I also had a couple of doors close just before my trip that I was hoping upon hope would open up for me. Life is like that, opportunities present themselves and if they aren't the right ones, they end as quickly as they started. I know this but it still makes it hard to jump at the next door that presents itself. Lost opportunity results in increased hesitation - I'm pretty sure that's human nature.

I'll compare the situation to one spring evening back in 2002. The band sorority I was a member of (Tau Beta Sigma) was holding elections for officer placement. I so badly wanted to be the Membership VP and ran. I lost by 2 votes so I ran for the next office and the next. I'm not sure what came over me that evening, but I threw my name in every pot there was available.

Guess what. I didn't get a single office. I was devastated. Never in my 21 years had I not been elected for at least something when I ran for it. Actually, more than devastated, I was embarrassed. Why had a tried so hard for 5 different offices when I really only wanted the one? That was silly... it showed determination, yes, but it also made it look like it wasn't the office I cared about, but the position.

To make a long story short, a year later I was voted in as the Membership VP which was followed by and incredible year of revamping the rush process, getting some awesome new members on board, and just loving my last year in the organization. I suppose it worked out for the best.

I think of that story in almost everything I don't initially succeed at. But how much of that story holds me back? When a lost opportunity floats away, do I instinctively close my eyes to others just waiting in the background because I don't want to seem that I'll jump at every chance out there and embarrass myself again? I can't say that I do this, but I also can't say that I don't. I'd be fibbing if I didn't say that the thought of holding back completely scares me. It's not like me to hold back... I dearly hope that I am not.

And who cares if I try on 5 outfits and only pick one? It's the end result that counts, right?

Now for some less meaningful banter. There was an earthquake in Oklahoma on Saturday night and we felt/heard it loud and clear here in my part of the world. It was odd. It was unsettling. It wasn't a good thing to happen within 24 hours of watching Paranormal Activity 3 (which involves an earthquake... and a demon... I'll let you figure out my first reaction when the quake hit). It last for 30 seconds which was followed by lots of excited phone calls and texts mainly to talk about one thing "DID YOU FEEEEEEEEL IT??? COOL!". I think everyone talking about it on Facebook and Twitter that evening felt like they were 9 years old and finally tall enough to ride the big roller coaster. The adrenaline was high and the excitement non-stop. Imagine how we'd react if something major actually happened.

Humans are funny.

Some Reflection... if you will

At about 1:50PM CST today, the most recent issue of Facility Manager (an IAVM publication) hit my desk. At first glance, it was masked under a stack of junky catalogues and other spam type snail mail. However, a quick double-take was all it took to realize what jewels lie within today's mail.

This is the magazine I have been waiting my entire life for.

This is the magazine to trump all other magazines.

This was my SHINING moment!

I've finally been published!

I did a bit of a dance across my office, hugging my new magazine, smiling from ear to ear and not so modestly proclaiming that my article has been published. Coworkers smiled, patted me on the back, asked to read it and the 30 minutes that followed might have been the most exciting 30 minutes of my life.

Once things calmed down a bit, I stopped to think back on the past few months (and eat a bite of chocolate... after all, excitement does make one hungry). What things have lead to where I am now? Let's go back in time a few months... shall we?

I remember, in great detail, the night before the First Timers breakfast at the IAVM VenueConnect conference this past summer. I sat in my hotel room reciting my speech over and over and over again. The TV got to hear my speech, the view of the parking garage heard it, and my bathroom mirror heard it a few times. I was beyond nervous. I had just spent the evening at a reception where I didn't know a single person in the room and was tweeting (yes, tweeting) about being a wall flower. How on earth would I give this speech the next morning? I could almost replay every second of that night. I'm not sure why... maybe it was leading up to something significant (like in the movies when they show important segments in slow motion).

Every day after that evening was a blur of activity, meeting new people, getting new opportunities and having a blast (as I blogged about last July). Each and every single thing that happened at the conference has lead to some amazing growth opportunities since. My speech was turned into the article that I danced around the room holding just a few hours ago. So many doors have opened for me and while I haven't stepped foot through all of them, they are there. I have options to chose from. Most importantly, I started to realize what I know, what value I carry for my professional life and how to actually use it beyond my day job.

I'm just simply and not so simply amazed.

After the brief reflection on the last few months, I quickly sent an email to the person who hired me at Walton Arts Center to thank her for giving me the opportunity way back when. When I met her, I was fresh out of college, desperately looking for a job that would carry me for a year while I took some time off of school before heading to Toronto for grad school. It was my first professional interview and I sat nervously answering questions about my past, my passions and my future. I don't remember any earth shattering topics, but I suppose I said the right things as I didn't even have time to send them thank you cards. I was offered the job later that day. The new job lead to an unknown passion and I haven't looked back... and it's been 7.5 years... and going.

The initial job has lead to promotions, new teams of coworkers and eventually new teams of people I supervised and entire departments being put under my watchful eye and creative mind. I've gone from needing someone to sign off on my activities to being the person who creates activities that need signing off on.

And today it lead to the article. It might seem small to some people, but to me, this is one of the most exciting professional moments I've had to date.

Who knows where it will lead me tomorrow. New things are around each and every corner.

It's like this...

The loot... be jealous, be oh, so, jealous!

I'm still stumped as far as what to write in response to my day spent at the Craft Gossip blog meet up. It was only a few hours long but I left with my brain full of big, craft lovin' smiles (and a couple of bags STUFFED with free crafty goodies to play with). With so much bounty you would think I could easily pluck one single thing to talk about... or 5, but I'm lost, with nothing.

I've been able to pinpoint my problem. I do believe I'm overwhelmed with creative possibility. Not a single thing we played with at the event or what I brought home with my afterwards has anything to do with spinning or knitting. I'm never one to shy away from a new project, but I typically keep to my comfort areas. It's not that I'm afraid of branching out, it's just that I don't have room in my house or my head to do much more.

Or so I thought.

The meet up started with a go around with introductions from each of the ladies as well as a bit about what they create and what is the strangest thing they have ever used for crafting (anyone remember my poodle hair experiment that ended with frustration and failure?). I think we had the entire craft world covered. There were people who sewed, jewelry makers, quilters, scrapbookers (that's not a word.... work with me), gourd artists and so on. One lady as even used a salmon as a stamp... I'm not sure what that makes her. As I sat there and listened the wheels in my head started turning. Thoughts of "Oooooh, I should look into that" or "Oh yeah, quilting, I should finish my quilt" and "I wonder how hard it is to actually make something out of a gourd" scrolled across my mind about as fast as the wine emptied from our glasses during lunch.

I knew I was in trouble. When I start thinking like this, it is usually a sign that I'm about to bottom out from too much creativity. If you don't think it's possible, then I can't explain it to you. For those of you who have stood in the middle of their crafting room, starting at potential project after project, but couldn't even begin to pick one out, then you know what I'm talking about. It's that feeling you get when your rational side begins to battle with your creative mind. One side wants you to use all of the crayons in the box and the other side tells you that you don't have enough time for more than 2 crayons. Neither side wins and you're left exhausted.

And disappointed.

As I said earlier, we left the event with 2 bags FULL of crafty goodies. There were cross stitch projects, scrapbooking supplies, stamps, jewelry making goodies, stickers, plush patterns, markers and the list goes on and on. As I unpacked my bag before leaving, I could feel my heart rate go up. The pitch of my voice went up right along with it. We all giggled, squeeled, skipped across the room holding tightly to our new favorite thing in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

It was like Christmas where you are the prized, only child.

But better.

I skipped right out of there, already planning 43 different projects for when I got home. I was going to start scrapbooking again... or maybe I was going to make a shadow box with the scrapbook supplies... or maybe greeting cards... or maybe promotional materials for WoolyHands... or maybe I was just going to put it on my shelf like a trophy and lovingly look through them once a month like a family photo album... or maybe...

You see the problem. I really could do a million things, but I can't land on just one. It's not just the scrapbook supplies. It's all of it. I went through the bags tonight and pulled out project after project to start and was left with a pile at least a foot high.

So you see, I'm overwhelmed with crafty possibilities. There are worse things to be overwhelmed with, you've never heard of someone in a mental ward because she couldn't decide on which rubber stamp to playwith first, but still, overwhelmed is overwhelmed.

Hopefully my brain will begin to compartmentalize some of the creative inspiration gained in Little Rock at the meet up and I'll be able to unpack things one at a time and unveil them here for you to "oooooh" and "aaaah" over, but until then, I'll be over on the floor of my craft room, sorting through project after project...

after project.

And this is me... before realizing I was in over my head:

I'm warning you...

... this is addictive.

I promised some people I would post my pumpkin.sausage.mushroom soup recipe. I'm not sure where this recipe came from. I saw a version of it on a forum board a couple of years ago and I've adapted it slightly, but I can't claim the original idea.

1 lb breakfast sausage (I love hot, but sage and even regular works fine)

1/2 c. onion - chopped

1 clove garlic - minced

1-2 cups mushrooms (or more, I like more)

1 can 100% pumpkin

4 cups chicken broth

1 tbsp Italian seasoning

1/2 c. heavy cream

Brown sausage in a large stock pot - drain fat if needed

add onion and garlic, cook for about one minute

add mushrooms and italian seasoning, cook until onions, garlic and mushrooms are cooked down add pumpkin and chicken broth

bring to a simmer and cook at a simmer for 20 minutes

add cream and heat through (a couple of minutes)

salt and pepper to taste

If you live in the NWArkansas area, serve this with Martha Harps rolls, if not, do what you want. This soup doesn't discriminate against any kind of bread. The soup also tastes quite amazing with some Cabot extra sharp cheddar cheese on the side.

Serve this to your loved ones... to your friends... heck, I bet it would even get you a raise, so go ahead and invite the boss over.

You can thank me later.

The password is... procrastination

After spending 30 minutes writing and rewriting tonight's blog post about my trip to Little Rock last Saturday and the Craft Gossip Blog meet up, I've given up and changed courses. It's not that I have nothing to write about, quite the opposite actually, it's just that I'm having trouble doing my homework. I'll write the following post in an attempt to at least be somewhat productive with my procrastination.

I spend all day coming up with creative solutions to everyday problems and when I get home, my brain is empty.

Thankfully no one is grading me on this homework and the most brilliant blog post will come to me (hopefully sometime tomorrow).

As usual, I've been thinking. I've had a terrible time trying to balance my day job with my night job. In a match up of performing arts event management vs. fiber arts, who do you think wins? My first instinct is to say the former. I depend on that job to keep my brain on its toes, to pay my bills, to advance me to a world of happy, professional bliss. It's easy to devote my time and energy on something like that. However, when I get home, my wool, spinning wheels and knitting needles taunt me. The names they call me when I'm not looking are enough to be sent to the corner for. My every growing fiber stash is just that, ever growing, never shrinking. It looms over me casting a shadow on what is just a shell of my formerly crafty self. Perhaps it is all of those things that leave the fiber arts in the winners circle.

I've felt it taking a bit out of me. I'm not as friendly in the evening when I'm not playing with wool. I get crabby, short and uninteresting. I need to make time to balance the two out once again. Everyone with a professional day job probably experiences the difficulties in leaving your work at work. It's impossible to do these days. Our brains are functioning at a million miles a minute (I blame the internet on that - information is just a click away, so productivity and reactions to problems are expected to mirror that) and it's all too easy to answer email after email in the evening when you should be detoxing and unwinding. You certainly aren't doing a service to your professional colleagues by never resetting and you certainly aren't doing one for yourself.

So, how do I begin to balance the two out again? As I said above, I'm having trouble with one homework assignment, so I'm not even going to pretend that "scheduled crafty time" is the solution. It has to come in the form of inspiration, but not in the form of time suck. For example - a walk through a local art gallery or botanical garden = inspiration; 3 hours spent browsing Pinterest for new Christmas craft ideas = time suck. Both are fun, both have different results for me.

Okay, okay, so maybe I will assign myself a homework project - I'll go find some inspiration this week. All I need is a breath of fresh air to reset myself. I know my coworkers and my fiber stash will thank me.

Balance is not that far out of reach.