3.06.2012

How to start at the beginning

I've been having trouble lately. Trouble finding sleep until the wee hours of the morning. Trouble finding time to read a book. Trouble finding some downtime to just unwind and be myself.

I'm also having trouble pinpointing what it is I want to do tomorrow.

It's the most unsettled I've felt in quite some time... actually, it's probably the most unsettled I've ever felt.

A large, very large, part of me is ready to find my next big step in life. I'm 31 and have been itching to move. I want a change in scenery. I want a change in finances. I want a change in what I do 10-12 hours a day. I recently met with someone to talk about this and left the meeting in tears. I was more confused than I was when I went in to talk.

What scared me was how easy it was to talk me out of wanting a change.

What scared me was how obvious it was to me that I have no earthly idea of what I want.

What scared me was how I don't seem to have any true convictions as to what I want to do next.

So I cried.

After gulp crying (think about it... you know the type) to my sister on the phone for longer than I care to admit, she came up with the idea of me writing a personal mission statement. YES, a mission statement, that was what I needed. A self written road map helping me decide which direction to go on almost every life decision. It's really quite brilliant.

It would be even more brilliant if I could get it started. I've read website after website after blog after website explaining to me what it is and how I should go about starting it. In the end, however (or am I still at the beginning) I'm left not knowing how to start the thing.

So maybe that's my problem... it isn't about defining direction or purpose but about figuring out how to get at the beginning of my trail in life. How do I start the course if I'm not sure where the start is? How do I find the beginning to my next story?

I have to answer that before I take my next step.

I owe it to myself.

1 comment:

DancingMooney ♥ said...

Ohhh sweetie, you can only live your life, one day at a time. Trust that you are already on the beginning of your trail, and that feelings like these, although depressing at first, can inspire movement and decision over time...

A few years ago, I was feeling empty. Like I knew that living a simple life, and making a handmade living was the way I wanted to *live* but I wasn't sure why I still felt very empty at my core...

But stroke of luck, I picked up a self help book at a thrift shop, and I connected with it in a way I wasn't prepared for, but I'll share it with you because we think alike, and this might help...

It's called 'Living Your Best Life' by Laura Berman Fortgang. I've suggested it to friends in the past and I will continue to suggest it, because as of date, I still haven't found anything that I've connected with more.

It helps you sort out your thoughts in such a way that you find answers, instead of more questions, and it reminds you that life is a Journey! Not a destination, right? :) You are already on your path Erin, You've done so much in life so far that most of us could only dream of...

Don't feel like you have to know all the answers, just be true to yourself, one day at a time... The blessing about life is that you can always change your mind, or choose another path... but you still have to make those choices one day at a time, following your heart. Each day leads you to the next day and the next day leads you to the next... If you are inspired by change, investgate.

We just had our 5 year anniversary of moving to Oregon, and in some ways it's hard to believe that we've been here this long already, yet in other ways, we are still settling in... but in no way at all, have we ever looked back and regretted this decision. There is a whole big wide world out there just waiting to be explored... Live it sweetie, that's what I love about you. ♥