Happy Birthday, Mom.

Mom and me... Thanksgiving 2006

Today is my mom's birthday. She would have been 67. It's still weird that she's not here to celebrate with. Now this is just a day. I don't say that to get sad looks or hugs from friends, I'm just stating what it feels like. The memories of celebration are still there, but the feeling of celebration has been removed. I thought it would take longer until I felt this way, but apparently, a couple of years later, it's just a day.

I wish it wasn't. I wish she was here to celebrate being 67 and looking fabulous and enjoying life. I don't know if Heaven exists, I've found it harder and harder to believe in it the older I get and the more people I have taken away from my life but if it does, I do hope she's having a party with all of her favorite things and I hope her dad is with her... celebrating with his first born and having a good time.

Happy Birthday, mom. We all love you and miss you daily!

Anti-Bah Humbug

I'm going to come right out and say it - If I hear one more person verbally complain/blog/make a passive aggressive comment about how Christmas is swallowing up Thanksgiving, I'm going to blow a gasket.

I'd rather see a Christmas tree all decked out and lit with 149 strands of lights on every single lawn between here and Oklahoma City than listen to one more person complain about Christmas commercials like they are the first person to think of it. Get over it... does it really bother you? I cannot imagine, not with one single ounce of my imagination, that it really does.

How is my wanting to hang my Christmas wreath on November 21st, 3 days before Thanksgiving, really going to hurt you? So what if I'm still amazingly proud of the wreath I made 10 years ago... so proud that I want to hang it a week early? I'm not sure it's going to make my celebration of Thanksgiving any less important. Anyways, I prefer putting up some red and green... silver and gold... pine scented candles and sparkly fir branches than fake Pilgrim hats and cardboard turkeys.

One might say I've bought into Christmas commercialism, but if it makes me happy and feel good, why not? I have to say, I came home a bit on edge (dinner service was terrible, Target didn't have what I was looking for and it started pouring down rain while I ran in to get cat food) and when I started playing George Winston's December I instantly remembered where I put my good mood. A little Holiday spirit (even if a few days early) goes a long way in my world.

So quit complaining about people getting excited about Christmas now and start complaining about things that matter. Like the treatment of the the peaceful Occupy participants or how Westboro Baptist Church (vomit) is planning on picketing the funeral of the 19 year old University of Arkansas Football Player. Those seem like worthier causes than my putting up my Christmas tree in November.

Carry on.

Lunchtime Thoughts

It's dark and stormy outside which always leaves my pensive and full of things to say. I've been experiencing a bit of post vacation depression since my return from my cruise. It's a lot like going back to work after a long (but not long enough) holiday. While on the cruise, everything was taken care of for me. My food was cooked and prepared without my having to wash dishes, my bed turned down each night, heck, I didn't even have to decide what to do at each port of call... my sister did that! It was a bit of a shock to the system when I came back and had to wash underwear. I suppose returning to some normalcy isn't a bad thing... it just took some adjustment. However, instead of wanting to tell everyone I know about my wonderful vacation, I've just wanted to sleep.

I also had a couple of doors close just before my trip that I was hoping upon hope would open up for me. Life is like that, opportunities present themselves and if they aren't the right ones, they end as quickly as they started. I know this but it still makes it hard to jump at the next door that presents itself. Lost opportunity results in increased hesitation - I'm pretty sure that's human nature.

I'll compare the situation to one spring evening back in 2002. The band sorority I was a member of (Tau Beta Sigma) was holding elections for officer placement. I so badly wanted to be the Membership VP and ran. I lost by 2 votes so I ran for the next office and the next. I'm not sure what came over me that evening, but I threw my name in every pot there was available.

Guess what. I didn't get a single office. I was devastated. Never in my 21 years had I not been elected for at least something when I ran for it. Actually, more than devastated, I was embarrassed. Why had a tried so hard for 5 different offices when I really only wanted the one? That was silly... it showed determination, yes, but it also made it look like it wasn't the office I cared about, but the position.

To make a long story short, a year later I was voted in as the Membership VP which was followed by and incredible year of revamping the rush process, getting some awesome new members on board, and just loving my last year in the organization. I suppose it worked out for the best.

I think of that story in almost everything I don't initially succeed at. But how much of that story holds me back? When a lost opportunity floats away, do I instinctively close my eyes to others just waiting in the background because I don't want to seem that I'll jump at every chance out there and embarrass myself again? I can't say that I do this, but I also can't say that I don't. I'd be fibbing if I didn't say that the thought of holding back completely scares me. It's not like me to hold back... I dearly hope that I am not.

And who cares if I try on 5 outfits and only pick one? It's the end result that counts, right?

Now for some less meaningful banter. There was an earthquake in Oklahoma on Saturday night and we felt/heard it loud and clear here in my part of the world. It was odd. It was unsettling. It wasn't a good thing to happen within 24 hours of watching Paranormal Activity 3 (which involves an earthquake... and a demon... I'll let you figure out my first reaction when the quake hit). It last for 30 seconds which was followed by lots of excited phone calls and texts mainly to talk about one thing "DID YOU FEEEEEEEEL IT??? COOL!". I think everyone talking about it on Facebook and Twitter that evening felt like they were 9 years old and finally tall enough to ride the big roller coaster. The adrenaline was high and the excitement non-stop. Imagine how we'd react if something major actually happened.

Humans are funny.