A Mother's Intuition

Mother's Intuition is something you hear about a lot. Mom's worry when their babies are on airplanes, or are away on a road trip without an adult for the first time, or when they are doing something crazy like tearing their ACL on a ski trip many states away from home. Mom's just have a sense that something bad is brewing... but they also have that same sense when something good is on the horizon.

I don't think I ever fully valued my mother's intuition until it was gone. That thought alone is enough to evoke one of those gasping for air, deep throaty gulp kind of cries from deep within me. There are a lot of things I miss about her (okay, a million things and then some) but some things aren't things at all... rather, perks. When you don't have them it's like trying to reach for that sky you'll never touch or attempting to reach some goal that is beyond ridiculous.

I used to stand with one toe in the water in almost everything I did. If my mom seemed hesitant about my diving in, I would back up a bit. However, when she seemed excited about that pond before me, I'd jump right in, feet first. She was a good thermometer, so to say, about any decision in life, no matter how large or small. I don't think I realized how many times I checked the temperature through her actions/reactions until lately.

I have a strange feeling that life is going to throw some major decision making situations my way soon. My sister, who has taken on many of the maternal duties that every family requires (certain Christmas candies being made in December, sage advice giving, lunches during the work week to lighten the work burden, etc) has mentioned a few times that she feels something is changing for me... or something good is on the horizon... or something is brewing (I can't remember her words exactly). Whichever it is, it sounds good.

It also sounds like a mother's intuition.

Do I trust it like I trusted my mom's over and over again? Sure, my mother's intuition wasn't always right... at least, I didn't think it was until I was so far removed from the situation that it wasn't worth bringing up that she was right and who would need to bruise their own ego at that point anyways? Would trusting it lead me far away from my familiar path and if I find a new path, would it be worth forking off of the familiar one for?

Who knows... I suppose if we all had this intuition, life wouldn't be the exciting mystery that it is and we'd all be bored.

Very.

Very.

Bored.

Since I don't like boring, I'm going to go ahead and follow her enthusiasm for my unfamiliar path. I'd hate for her to be excited about it alone.

Of Many Things

I had grand plans for this quiet Saturday evening. Well, more like homework, really. I am submitting an article for publication and it is due to the magazine on Friday. It is mostly written but needs some editing and tweaking. However, technology is failing me tonight. I'm unable to log in to my work computer from home and it's very hard to work on an article when its draft is sitting, locked in the server at work. So, any edits will have to wait until Monday and I'm left with a brain full of words and no where but here to put them.

So glad to have a blog on nights like this.

Today was full of inspiration. I'd like to think it was due to some thrift store browsing, Farmer's Market shopping and time spent at a local shop talking... well... shop. But I'm thinking the inspiration is always there and the 25 degree drop in temperature from last week has allowed for the creative juices to start flowing again. It was hard to be creative when all you wanted to do when it was 112 outside was sleep... all... day.

The women in my family (scratch that, everyone in my family) tend to be the type that can't settle on one hobby/passion/career path/life skill but rather about 1014 of them. Take music for example - I play piano, bassoon, recorder (don't laugh, it's a viable instrument albeit a bit outdated), cymbals (again, don't laugh, they take more skill than you'd think) and keyboard percussion. I own a guitar and fully intend on learning more than 4 chords. Also on my "need to learn" list is mandolin, uke, accordian and upright bass. Oh, and I can play a few songs on the oboe and know scales on a flute and trumpet. I have similar tastes in crafting, cooking, working, hobbies, clothing styles and nail polish color. I cannot pick just one thing and stick with it. I must stick with the 1014 things I referred to above.

Today's inspiration came in the form of creating. I've been filled with professional inspiration lately and having a chance to step away from that today was a bit of a welcome vacation. It can't be all business all of the time (okay, so my away from business time is often spent on my other business, but you know what I mean). I've been making some dessert stands out of vintage (or close to vintage) plates and candle sticks since last fall. Like everything else I do, I surrounded myself with this new creative outlet and made what seemed like 100s of plates but really was closer to 20. Creating is great... that is, until you've run out of room because your new creation was taking up every square inch of your work space. I had very good intentions of taking these dessert stands to a local shop on consignment, but that part of me that is a wallflower in professional settings also comes out in this setting. I am not good at selling myself. Like any good artist, I need a manager! Thankfully my sister isn't not afraid of it and carted me off to Red Hill Gallery and Homewares today and I left the shop a few stands lighter than when I went in. It's a good feeling and I hope it pays off. While at the shop, my sister and I filled our heads with hundreds of new ideas. If we ever find the time to put those ideas in motion, we'll be a creative powerhouse.

To go back to the topic of doing many, many things, my sister recently wrote about figuring out what she wants to be when she grows up. That topic is a bit cliche as all of us, as adults, laugh when we talk about it (I think that was her point). Do we ever really grow up? If we do, do we ever reach that point of being what we want to be? I'm not sure I know exactly what I want to be but I do know who I want to be. The who has a certain look, she laughs, she makes other people laugh, sometimes she cries, she gardens, she models funky outfits in front of the mirror only to change and wear something less risky out the door, she works in the performing arts, she dances with her heart when no one is looking and she does whatever the heck she wants to. I think I've reached the "who" I want to be when I grow up.

I'm proud of that.

I'm glad I can live each day and be proud of who I am no matter what I'm doing. Sometimes that what is working, sometimes it's taking a nap, sometimes it's being creative and sometimes it's watching Mad Men until 3AM with a bowl of popcorn in front of me. Whatever it is, I'm sure it will change daily until I leave this earth. No need to decide to be one thing - just enjoy being a lot of things.